I am so tired. I feel like every week, I have five days where I am exhausted and two days where I have energy. I need to go to the doctor.
Not many people know this, but I do have a blood disorder. My body doesn't absorb iron well, and it takes longer than normal for my blood to clot. I've had two transfusions. They aren't fun. After the most recent transfusion, I had a surgery to reduce the amount of blood I was losing during my menstrual period, aka menorrhagia, and I felt much better for a while. It's been two years now and things are... regressing. I think my ulcer might be bleeding, at least if I go to long without eating properly.
Some days I am so tired it takes everything in me to just do basic functions like going to the bathroom. Other days I have an easier time.
Is it odd that I am writing about my death wish, and it has nothing to do with my mental illness? Because the truth is, I don't think I have much more time left. I can't see myself living past 50... so that's what, fifteen years?
Fifteen years to try and do everything I wanted to accomplish in this life.
Fifteen years to prepare my family for the inevitable.
Fifteen years make myself ready to try again in the next round.
Fifteen years, or fifteen minutes... is there even a difference?
What would you do, if you had a death sentence?
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