Friday, February 9, 2018


The really shitty part about all of this is - I was never given a chance. I never had a chance. That person's mind was made up from the very beginning.

Like a little kid who loves the taste of strawberry, but  doesn't want to eat a real strawberry because they look weird. The artifice and playacting was enough.

Only, I wasn't playing.

I came up with a really good timeline of events the other night while I was high as a ballsack. A timeline that really made it clear what a good manipulator that person is, and in fact, how I was lied to and manipulated from the very beginning.

I actually remember it, too, so it must have some weight, at least in my own mind.

I don't want to believe that though. I don't want to think those ugly thoughts about that person. I'd rather think them about myself - I was too vulnerable, I wasn't seeing clearly, and I created something in my own head that in fact had nothing to do with reality.

That, too, is plausible. It's happened before. I'm really good at making things up for myself, so I can keep seeing the world through those Tiffany colored glasses.

So what was it? Did that person manipulate me, or did I believe my own foolish brain? Maybe a little bit of both.

I guess I will never know.

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