Thursday, January 18, 2018


Goddammit, why? Why, why, why, why, WHYYYY. How can you not understand? How can you fucking IGNORE EVERY WORD that I am saying. Do you literally NOT UNDERSTAND? But I think anyone with the barest grasp of English understands what "I love you" means.

WHYYYY instead of just owning up to the TRUTH, WHATEVER THAT IS, do you run away. You think I will disappear because you can't see me, or hear me, or touch me, or have any indication that I exist? That's not how our minds work.

Maybe YOUR mind works that way.

The worst part of it all - the worst part about the whole fucked up thing is that I HAVE NEVER DONE ANYTHING WRONG. It's not wrong to be open. It's not wrong to have expectations. It's not wrong to have feelings.

You know what would be wrong? If I messaged THE GIRL, that gorgeous (young) girl that you are "seeing" and I told her all of the things that you told me - if I showed her everything that you sent me. If I did everything I could to make HER see YOU as the same kind of delinquent MONSTER that you seem to see me.

I would NEVER do that thought. Do you know WHY I wouldn't do that? Because I love you, I respect you, and I respect HER, this girl I doubt I will ever meet, because she is still human, and she has her own feelings and I don't have the RIGHT to treat anyone else that way.

The way YOU treat ME. Like an object. Like a thing, that doesn't matter once you're tired of playing with it.

I still have enough self respect to extend that respect to you and Miss Pretty Blonde. Which means that now matter how fancy you may feel up there with all of your misplaced pride and self-admiration, and I'm down here cleaning gutters and working my ass off to make sure my life is as happy as I can make it...

It means that you've lost. You may have everything, but you've lost.

I have nothing, but I have love and I have truth, and I have the satisfaction of knowing I am a good person. So I win. I always win.

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